In the beginning there was Toby and he was very confused. To suddenly pop into existence from a vast void of nothingness is an unnerving thing and is enough to get anyone to listen to Type O' Negative for a couple of years. Complicating the matter is the fact that Toby is a bowling pin painted black and it is difficult to find yourself if you are a black object in a black void. Its even more difficult to find yourself if you're not half drunk in a college dorm about the experiment with your suddenly hot roommate.

Then, it happened. Toby created the universe. He didn't do it on purpose. He said it started with indigestion and felt like combining a hiccup with drinking energy drinks in space. Now, you may be tempted to think that Toby is some all-powerful being who created the universe and has complete control over it. This is not true. The creation of the universe was an accident and Toby has spent a lot of time wondering how he did it in the first place. It’s kinda the same thing as how line dancing got started.

After a few billion years, Toby ended up on Earth. He is kind of fuzzy on the details as he was drunk at the time. It's like that time when he woke up at Drew Carey's house covered in pickle juice. Sometimes it best not to know the answers to life's mysteries. Being an inanimate object, Toby was unable to explore this brave new world he now found himself in or get aspirin for his splitting headache. Somehow, he ended up at a kid's birthday party at a bowling alley and he was horrified by the entire experience.

At first, he was excited to see so many bowling pins like him- even if they were white. This was Toby's first exposure to racism. The other bowling pins made him sit at the back of the alley and drink at separate fountains. Even his co-colorists the bowling balls held back from him as he wasn't a descendant of slaves and he had a crazy pastor. Then Toby witnessed a Holocaust. Pins were suddenly knocked down en masse by charging bowling balls. There was a laser light show, giggling children and a DJ who would only play Foreigner. It was terrible.

After awhile, he was given to a kid as some sort of stupid gift for having a party at the bowling alley. The kid, not realizing he had the Creator of the Universe and Keeper of the Seven Rings of Betazed, Praise His Name, dumped him at a second hand store. It was then that one of those happenings in life occurred that convinced Toby that there must be some higher power.

Toby's last name of Curewitz had always confused him. He did not know how he got it or what it meant. He had the same feelings for that movie “Pi.” But he did know it wasn't a common name. So, imagine his surprise when he was purchased for $1.49 by none other than Matt Curewitz. There is no way the two were related, what with one being a Irish Jewish Mexican and the other being the Creator of the Universe and those other titles I am too lazy to retype. But the stars aligned and the to Curewi’i were joined. And there was a Holy Ghost for some reason.

Now, they travel the world together and keep a photographic record of their travels. You should check them out and leave witty photo comments. This will please Toby.

Then Toby created Handi Snacks. And, Lo, it was good!